2018 Recap: From the Dark to the Light

Hi globe trotters,

It is always nice to go explore the world, but in the end, I love having my roots in family and friends. As 2018 closes, I think of my rough year and the people that helped me out of it.

This past year, I fell into a horrible depression, my first real time I felt low. In the beginning of the year, I thought of contacting a psychologist, but due to their availability, I had time conflicts. Of course, I didn’t take my feelings very seriously; I thought I would just get over it, so I didn’t bother to make the scheduling work.

Fast forward to April, after continuing through this foggy darkness, I had been suffering from insomnia. My mind kept thinking so negatively and I couldn’t turn off my brain to fall asleep. I would finally knocked out, but then woke up in a rut. While I waited for the bus, I uncontrollably bursted out into tears and the tears kept rolling all the way to the office. I could not stop crying for some reason.

At this point, I decided to take things more seriously. I scheduled an appointment with a psychiatrist (my ex-coworker’s recommendation, which I am also grateful), but she was only available a month later. I scheduled with her anyways.

In between then, I was able to finally open up to two of my amazing friends and my boyfriend. I told them everything that was weighing on my chest. It wasn’t the cure-all; there were more days of crying afterwards. However, it made things better.

I also told my parents. Not going to lie, it was harder to tell them, because as Asians, they were afraid of the stigma with depression. They didn’t want it to effect my future employment if I ended up needing medication. But they cared about me, and even though they wanted me to stick through work, they supported me no matter what.

Lastly, we had been wanting a dog for the longest time. My depression was another reason to get this dog, and I felt like this was pretty much my last resort. That is how I ended up with Loki. Honestly, he is a lot of work, but he has brought so much joy in my life. He and I are emotionally connected, and he was able to tell when I had more bad days.

By the time the appointment came, I was feeling a lot better with the changes in my life. I was going to cancel the appointment, but my boyfriend made me go. (I am forever grateful for him because he saw me at my worst.) I told the psychiatrist everything, and surprisingly she understood what I was feeling. Luckily, I didn’t need any prescriptions, because she saw me making the right changes in my life.

Now that I have moved onto something else, I feel like myself again; It almost feels like I am 100 pounds lighter. It really took a strong support system to get me out of that hopeless pit. I am very grateful that I have a circle of people I can trust and rely. My circle isn’t big, but it is 100% full of quality people.

So for 2018, I dedicate this year to them. If I didn’t have them in my life, I don’t know where I would be today. Kisses to all of them.

Ciao,

Amy

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