How’s it going? I hope you’re feeling cheery as we exit winter (for those dealing with the cold). Today, I bring up the subject of traveling without your significant other. Sometimes you are allotted opportunities that your significant other is not. What do you do? How do you feel? When you’re in a serious/committed relationship, you may feel guilty or empty about this.
Don’t. Here’s why:
You may be in relationship filled with love and goals, but you are still an individual. I like to think of my relationship (and one day family) to be like a small work team- with a lot more love though. My fiancee and I come with different experiences and backgrounds; Together, we bring new ideas, new inspiration and more knowledge. You can say it’s a “divide and conquer” to life.
Also, like everything else, we are constrained by limited resources. Yes, it would be great if you could extend the same opportunities to your other half, but sometimes that isn’t possible. Are you going to halt your personal goals because of those restrictions? I’m not, and Mr. Lumberjack understands that. I want and expect the same for him. That goes for other things beside travels too, whether that’s work, time with his family or hanging with his friends.
That doesn’t mean I don’t miss Mr. Lumberjack. I love his company. After all, that’s why I’m marrying him. On top of that, when you love someone, you want him to have the best life possible, which includes those travel opportunities. Ultimately, I want myself to grow, him to grow and us to grow. It’s a huge balancing act, so when you travel without your love, make sure you find ways to spend time with them as well.
While we’re on this topic, I got recent, unwarranted advice from someone before I went on a trip:
“Don’t text or call him. He’ll miss you a lot when you come back.”
That is the worst advice I have ever heard. I know there are some people that need time away from his/her partner. Again, I think that’s healthy, because you are an independent person. However, I don’t understand the mind games. If Mr. Lumberjack doesn’t miss me when I’m gone, then maybe we shouldn’t be together in the first place. I don’t understand that, so please don’t follow that advice when you travel without him. You know real well that you will miss him, so communicate your true feelings.
Lastly, I’ve traveled with my friend (who is a man) without Mr. Lumberjack. You will get a lot of judgmental looks and remarks, because let’s face it, people aren’t as open minded as they claim to be. Also, people just assume there’s some cheating on the side. Don’t worry about the outsiders. They’re just hating that they don’t have the same freedom in their relationship.
I’ll talk in a later post (maybe when we’re married) on my views on the institution of marriage, fear of cheating and boy/girl friendships. It’s unconventional.
You know yourself and your feelings (emotional cheating is a thing). Assess those feelings and then talk to your loved one. Ask them if they mind. If yes, and you care about their feelings, then you’ll need to change your ways OR create time for both parties to know each other. Watch- they’ll become best friends and start hanging without you. If he doesn’t care with whom you travel, then continue what you’re doing and enjoy your life.
The underlying message here is take time to know yourself. It’s OK to be apart from your boyfriend/fiancee/husband. Not only is there nothing wrong with following your own goals, but you’ll come back better and grow your partnership. Keep the lines of communication open and vocally explain what you want. Hopefully, you guys align or work through/ compromise both your needs and wants.
Do you travel without your significant other?